Do you ever just work really slow and feel really sluggish when you have something going on in your head? I feel like if I’m distracted for the wrong reasons (i.e. feeling sad about a relationship), I can’t actually function properly. I am just filled with concern about the love of my life and so I can’t possibly concentrate on anything else.
I’m supposed to be doing a school project at the moment. It’s supposed to be about what we want to do when we grow up. We’re in year 10 and we have to pick our subjects for VCE next year so they want us to do a report on future career possibilities. I think I want to work for a company that installs ute toolboxes in the Melbourne area. I’ve always found it cool to work with metal and build things. I definitely don’t want an office job because I can’t focus for long periods of time when I’m sitting down. This is clearly the case right now because I’ve been struggling to write this personal reflection stuff for about three hours. My mind is just in another place. I can’t concentrate on my future when my present is so bad. Things are unravelling around me and I’m supposed to just keep writing this report like nothing is wrong. I’m too sad to do my homework – why can’t my teachers understand that?
I’m even struggling to imagine what it would be like to build 4×4 aluminium canopies. That’s when you know something is wrong. I really like spending my time building and I think with the right training I’d be good at building ute canopies, but at the moment I can’t even imagine myself doing that. It’s not good.
I think I just need to call it a day. If my brain isn’t working because I’m too sad to function, surely I can just go and lie on my bed for a bit and forget about the world?